THE PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
1. No sleeping over
2. No meeting in public
3. No calls before 2 am
4. None of that "lovemaking" shit
5. No emotional discussions. . . (ex. Where are we heading with this? You know where it's heading!!)
6. No plans made in advance. . . that's why you're called the ”backup"
7. No non-sexual gifts (altoids not included)
8. No baby talk (however, dirty talk is encouraged)
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers (in fact, no conversations are a plus)
10. No kissing (too intimate)
11. No calling each other "friends with benefits" (we are not friends and we never will be)
12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK (Phrases such as, "HONESTLY
I WAS THINKING ABOUT "Halley Barry/Tyson Back fired", are completely acceptable)
13. No extra clothing (I don't want your ass leaving anything behind that my real man/woman might find!)
14. No guilt about falling asleep right after sex
15. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it (I don’t care) and don't ask me!! I'll get mine you worry about yours.
16. I will not walk you to the door/car for any reason
17. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend"
18. Doggie style preferred (rare exceptions when I am tired and let you ride)
19. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better.
20. We hookup absolutely whenever the mood strikes
21. Don't ask for anything to eat. The Waffle Spot was open on your way here, and it will be open on you way home.
22. You can ask for something to drink, but don't expect anything more than ice water.
23. No, you cannot use my phone to call your girl or check on your kids. If its that important, lets hurry and get off so you can leave.
24. No, you cannot check your e-mail while you are here. This ain't a hotmail franchise.
25. No, you cannot borrow a book, a cd or anything else. I may never see you again. Booty calls are options, this might be your last.
26. Anything left behind, weave, fake nails, earrings, etc. will be trashed, so don't call and ask if I saw them when you get home.