Voodoo Penis
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew
his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he
thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was
gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around. He
thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man
for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, looking for something
special
to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation.
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have
vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of
thing
that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..." and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked. The old man reached
under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with
strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an
ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every
other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He
pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo Penis
miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started
pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so
much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split,
the old
man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped,
levitated
back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally surrendered
to
$738 in cash and an imitation Rolex. The guy took it home to his wife,
told
her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say
"Voodoo Penis, my crotch." He left for his trip satisfied that things
would
be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was
unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly
satisfy
her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the
box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis
shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like
nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering
orgasms,
she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull
it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to
get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how
to
shut it off.
Worried,she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She
put
her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every
thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made
her
swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately
pulled
her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to
drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You
see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't
stop screwing me!" The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head
and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"