I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems
longer.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful
house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!'
'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out...'

Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get
home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald
and still think they are beautiful!

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months-I don't like to interrupt her.

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is
he still wrong?

If your ex-wife and her lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would
you go to lunch or to a movie?

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.