:
: # 9
: A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a
question.
: As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps
: into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into
: her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if
your
: heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She
: replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in
room
1221."
:
: ********************************************************
: # 8
: A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I
get
: you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of
Jagermeister,"
: responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating
: something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case,
let

: me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 6
: shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
:
: *********************************************************
: #7
: A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
: seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange
: brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about
: sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
: "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.
: It identifies that American Indians have the longest
: average penis and Polish men have the biggest average
: diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
: He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
:
: ***********************************************************
: # 6
: One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband
gently
: taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
: The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
: gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
: fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
: sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his
: wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have
: a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
:
:
************************************************************
: # 5
: Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there
: for a number of years when he came home one day to confess
: to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an
: urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife
: suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about
: it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He
: vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few
: weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife
: could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
: "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I
: told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis
: into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I
: did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No,
: Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
: "Oh...she got fired too."
:
:
**************************************************************
: # 4
: A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been
: in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to
: rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On
: doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and
: tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests
: he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is
: any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and
: this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that
: the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait
:
: outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man
: to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about
: five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor
: his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which
: the man replies: "She choked."
:
:
************************************************************
: # 3
: A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.
He
: puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the
: astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this
: alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the
: gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open
: his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for
: witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a
drink."
: The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the
: bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the
: alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the
: crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer
: bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its
: head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his
: genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the
: first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up
: again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's
: willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd.
: After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A
: woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise
: not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
:
:
***************************************************************
: # 2
: A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he
: notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big
: black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: "7
: foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3
: pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy
faints!!
: The big black dude picks up the small white guy and
: brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks
: the small white guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy
: says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black dude
: looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick,
: 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner
: Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you
: said 'Turn around. '"
:
: ***********************************************************
: # 1
: There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
: They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when
: the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey,
: we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied,
: "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
: breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We
: were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years
: ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should
: we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and
: sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old
: lady breathlessly replied,"My nipples are as hot for you
: today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be
: surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and
: the other is in your oatmeal!!!!